I was a single mom, and when I wasn’t wishing permanent genital disfigurement upon his sperm donor who didn’t think it was wrong to date a high school senior while his wife was pregnant, I was treasuring the moments I knew Young Skywalker’s sperm donor would never experience.
He missed the first step, the first word, the first tooth; the first time elbow-met-asphalt, the first black eye. And he missed out on an incredible sense of humor that was inherited from my side of the family. Young Skywalker is almost 23 years old, but I can still remember, like it was yesterday, the things he used to say that either made me laugh until I cried, or wonder, “how the hell did he come up with that?”
Back when he was about 4 years old, he and I went shopping with my Mom. It was at a Laneco. Remember those? They were the pre-cursor to Walmart. There was a display set up near the toy department of action figures, and Young Skywalker spied them before I did. He asked if he could get one, and before I could answer, Grandma said, “I’ll get it for you.”
I drove Young Skywalker home, and he was as happy as a clam with the new action figure. Captain Planet came with a crime fighting ring (I guess so the Captain Planet fans could be easily identified in a crowd), and some other accoutrements to make him seem invincible. He played with it constantly, making up his own little Captain Planet scenarios, none of which I could understand. But hey, as long as he was happy.
Fast forward a few weeks. He and I are horsing around in the living room, and at one point are rolling on the floor. He “wrestles” me, and pins me to the floor, then sits back on his heels, and regales me: “Remember that day we went to that store and we were with Grandma and you were pushing me in the cart and I had to sit in the back because I couldn’t fit in the seat and I saw those action figures and Grandma said she’d buy me one and it came with that ring and the card and you told me I couldn’t open it in the car and I had to wait until we got home and then you bought that Captain Planet lunchbox and it was green and had those little boxes in it? "
Whew! “Yes, Young Skywalker. What about it?”
“You’re laying on the ring.”
You can’t make this stuff up.
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